njohnson

The politics of veepitude

2008-03-12T02:20:45Z

Last week Clinton raised eyebrows by suggesting that she'd like Obama as her VP. Obama returned fire by suggesting that people who are in second place for the nomination are in no position to ask the person in first place to be their running mate. Thus hopes for a "dream ticket" that might unite the Clinton and Obama camps were temporarily dashed, although nothing is ever ruled out in politics.

Of course, if Obama wins the nomination (and for the record, I hope he does), I highly doubt Clinton would accept a role as his VP (even if Obama offered it, which is equally doubtful). So I think Clinton saying she'd like him as a VP was mostly a political move on her part. She's reminding voters that if there's going to be a dream ticket with both Clinton and Obama, hers is going to be the top name.

At the same time, I think it was also an acknowledgment on her part that if she wins the nomination, there will be a lot of resentful Obama supporters. What's more, these are new, highly energized Democratic voters whose support she would desperately need in November. It's likely that the only way to retain these new voters and keep them energized would be to put Obama on the ticket too. So really, I think if Clinton wins the nom, Obama is the only possible choice for VP. The democratic party needs Obama.

That said, I think Obama is far more of a unifying force than Clinton is, and if he wins the nomination he may have an easier time winning over Clinton's supporters (who tend to be more the "party faithful" types). However, if he wants to reach out now (and perhaps play a bit of politics himself) he might hint in some subtle manner (or maybe not-so-subtle) that he'd strongly consider choosing a female running mate as his vice-presidential candidate if he gets the nomination. Maybe not Clinton, but possibly someone less divisive who he can work well with (Pelosi? Albright? Other thoughts?). Just as Clinton may have been trying to eat into Obama's support with the "dream ticket" idea, Obama might be able to chip into Clinton's support base with this move.

And assuming that he followed through on this (and maybe he already has someone in mind), I think many Clinton supporters would rally behind him, and maybe we'd get a ticket that would truly unite the Democrats after all.

Of course, in my mind, any Democratic ticket that wins in November will be a "dream ticket", but I'd be sad if Obama weren't at the top of that ticket. I've waited a long time for a candidate with this much intelligence, guts, and charisma to come along who actually aligns with my positions. I'd love to see what he could do if given a chance to really change things.

A note to those who make pet product commercials

2007-04-09T05:46:58Z

Ok, you aspiring commercial directors, here's the deal.

Just because you can now make a dog appear to sing, using computer generated (and yet anatomically impossible) lip/mouth movements, does not mean you should. No matter how impressive your software is, this will always look fake and creepy.

In the old days, we were perfectly happy to see a dog trotting along happily looking like a dog, and hear a voice actor exclaiming: "I'm gonna get me some kibbles 'n bits!" or "It's BACON!", and use our imagination. We knew it was the dog speaking; we did not need to see fake looking lips mouthing every syllable. We were happy to awwww over the cuteness of the dog, rather than seeing an otherwise cute dog turned into something resembling animated taxidermy.

This also applies to commercials featuring deceased celebrities hawking products, commercials featuring singing and/or dancing babies, and the entire movie "Baby Geniuses".

Cinequest Review: A Dog's Breakfast

2007-03-14T07:30:36Z

A Dog's Breakfast is an amusing black comedy, written, directed, and starring David Hewlett (who some people may know from Stargate: SG1 or Stargate: Atlantis). In fact, all the actors in the movie have appeared in one Stargate series or another, the most memorable perhaps being Christopher Judge (a.k.a "the big black guy with the gold thing on his forehead"). Hewlett plays Patrick, a quirky and reclusive loser in his late 30s who lives with his dog in his childhood home, his parents having died a decade earlier in a car accident. One day, his sister (played by Hewlett's real-life sister, Kate), shows up with her new fiance Ryan, who it turns out is a smarmy actor on a cheesy space-themed soap opera called "Star-Crossed" (where Marilyn also works as a makeup artist). Of course, most brothers might feel a protective impulse towards their little sister, but Patrick is not most brothers. He's quite a bit more insane, so his feelings in fact range from overprotective to downright hostile to possibly murderous. It's a recipe for some potential gruesome acts, and more than a few laughs. Still, as comedies go, this is more of a grey comedy than a true black one; you might say that its bark is much worse than its bite. Speaking of which, putting in an exceptional performance in his feature film debut is Mars, a rottweiler-terrier mix who does an excellent job of being a dog and doing what dogs generally do.

I laughed quite a bit throughout the movie, although occasionally Patrick's paranoia and neuroses go a bit over the top and become more tiresome than funny. Still, this movie was a fun, cute diversion. Nothing too deep or serious, but an entertaining way to spend a couple of hours. Dog lovers and Stargate fans will probably find it even more amusing.

Cinequest Review: Outsourced

2007-03-13T09:26:04Z

Outsourced was my favorite of the five Cinequest movies I saw this year. This was a truly charming and hilarious romantic comedy that totally nailed both the romance *and* the comedy (whereas the mainstream Hollywood studios rarely seem to get one out of two right these days). The film involves an American middle manager who is sent to India when his entire Seattle call center is outsourced. His mission: to train his replacement, and bring the new call center up to company standards. Unlike many fish-out-of-water comedies, this one never felt cruel, the characters displayed actual intelligence, and both cultures were made up of actual human beings rather than stereotypes.

But aside from the humor, witty dialogue, and well-done romance, the film also manages to sneak in a very powerful and positive message, without hitting you over the head with it. That message: even with all the fears and bullshit that exist in a globalized economy, at the individual level we all have the opportunity to connect with and learn from each other, if we choose to take it. No matter how much our various cultures may differ (in amusing and confusing ways), we all still have much more in common as human beings than we have differences. Given that many factions in the US seem to be increasingly hostile towards immigrants and foreigners these days, this film could not come at a better time (and I hope it receives a wide audience). It correctly portrays the "bad guys" as: not the Indian workers who take American jobs, but rather the corporate executives who willfully ship those jobs overseas to boost the almighty profit margin. And even those guys are basically just doing their jobs and aren't really portrayed as "bad" (which doesn't mean that it isn't funny to watch bad things happen to them). At the end of the film nobody feels like a "loser", even those who have lost their jobs. This movie reminds us that it is sometimes possible for things to change drastically in ways that seem scary, and yet for people to learn and grow as a result, and just maybe end up better than they started.

Cinequest Review: Urban Explorers - Into the Darkness

2007-03-11T10:02:12Z

When I was in college, one of my favorite late-night activities was to explore the steam tunnels, abandoned dormitory wings, locked towers, construction sites, and any other off-limits part of campus. By the time I graduated I had collected quite a few keys that opened various useful doors (which I passed on to my friends in lower classes, as was the tradition). "Tunneling", as we called it, was a lot of fun, somewhat forbidden and dangerous, but mostly just risky enough to feel sexy (taking a female along made for a great date). However, the actual dangers weren't too great really, and if campus security caught you, they'd probably just send you on your way with a slap on the wrist.

For some reason, it never really occurred to me that it would be possible to continue doing this sort of exploration of underground tunnels, abandoned buildings, or otherwise forbidden places after I left college. After all, in the real world, getting access is often much trickier, the dangers are often quite real, and the police (especially in the wake of 9/11) are far less forgiving of trespassers than a college rent-a-cop would be.

But as this documentary shows, it turns out that there are many of these explorers out there who are not intimidated by such risks. And when the internet came along, they began finding each other, sharing maps and photographs, organizing trips and conventions, and all other sorts of crazy things. This movie spends around a third of its time interviewing the explorers themselves (who are all quite unique individuals from all walks of life), and the rest of the movie is actually spent filming their various explorations, infiltrating everything from an abandoned mental hospital in Scotland, to a huge underground NASA rocket silo in the Everglades, to the maze of passages and crypts under Paris, to the slowly disintegrating tunnels and industrial buildings outside Minneapolis.

In short, it's pretty damn cool stuff, with many moments that kept me on the edge of my seat. (Will that cop car that just drove up notice them hiding in the bushes? Will that guy rappelling 90 feet down into a rocket silo live to tell the tale?) Most of all, this movie made me (and many other members of the audience, to judge by the Q&A session) want to get out there and do some exploring of my own. It made me remember how much I love discovering the unknown and peering into lost, forgotten spaces. Wondering who lived in that abandoned room, or who worked in that abandoned factory, and how it came to be that way. Or for that matter, exploring any place new (and possibly, forbidden). I remember the glee I got the one time I was permitted to poke around backstage briefly at Disneyland (while working on a school project). I'd love to get a behind-the-scenes tour of a vegas casino sometime (but I think that's probably unlikely).

In the meantime, it might be time to play some frisbee golf at Stanford again: always a tailor-made excuse to poke around in buildings and see what doors might be left open. "Honest Mr. Officer, I just went in there to retrieve my disc!"

Cinequest Review: The Trouble With Romance

2007-03-11T09:18:00Z

This movie actually consisted of four mini-stories about different aspects of love, each happening simultaneously in different rooms of the same Los Angeles hotel.

In a lot of ways it's a difficult format for a movie, since setting up the characters and making them feel real is difficult when you only have 20-30 minutes per story. You know how when you watch a pilot of a new series it often feels a bit artificial because the writers haven't quite hit their stride and have to spend all this time explaining the setup and introducing characters? In some ways this felt like watching four half-hour pilots back to back. Of course, Quentin Tarantino or Richard Linklater can pull that sort of thing off like pros, but that's why they make the big bucks. In this case, the dialogue wasn't bad enough to make me cringe or anything, but there were a few predictable/cliched moments that felt a bit too scripted. The actors did their best and overall put in some great performances, but not all the characters really felt fully three-dimensional and believable to me.

(minor spoilers follow)

The segment that worked best in my mind was the third one (which was also the longest of the four), about a couple whose big plans for a dating milestone do not work out as either of them anticipated. It felt the most original to me, and had a few funny surprises, including a bit of gross-out humor which felt slightly out of place but still made me laugh. I also got the impression that the actors were really having fun with the story and maybe even improvising a bit. The first two segments were well acted, but the subject matter was bittersweet (involving mindless sex, relationship regrets, and infidelity), and I found myself not really liking or caring about all of the characters as much. Perhaps I'm too much of an optimist when it comes to love, so stories about people treating each other badly rub me the wrong way somewhat. The last story (about a call girl and a first-time john) actually had some good dialogue, although I found the whole premise a bit hard to swallow. At one point the girl actually says, "This isn't Pretty Woman, this is real life"; her point being that prostitution is not some romanticized fantasy. But in fact the entire episode was nothing if not a romanticized fantasy - if you can imagine the rosiest possible portrayal of prostitution (from both the man and the woman's perspective) this would be it. We're talking romance novel territory. That said, the dialogue between the two about love, breakups, and men/women in general had enough good moments that it kept me engaged. What can I say, I'm a sucker for romance I guess.

Cinequest Review: Out of Balance

2007-03-06T00:11:17Z

I attended three Cinequest movies this past weekend. For those out of the loop, Cinequest is an independent film festival that happens in downtown San Jose every year around this time. This is the 17th year and every year it seems to get bigger and better organized. I've been attending for the past five years or so (although I missed out on last year unfortunately).

In most cases I go into these films knowing relatively little about what I am about to see (no reviews, no trailers, only a one paragraph blurb), but I usually come out of the theater feeling like I've experienced something amazing and new. It's also interesting how much more interactive a moviegoing experience feels when at the end of the movie, the director, producer, and half the cast stands up at the front of the theater and take questions from the audience. It gives great insight into not only the motivations and artistic vision behind the film, but the whole business side of film making in general. In many cases the films are still a bit rough around the edges, but you almost always get the feeling that these films are true labors of love.

Anyway, here is a mini-review of the first film I saw:

Out of Balance

Unfortunately I was late to this film due to a combination of oversleeping, wrong turns, and going to the wrong theater, so I missed most of the first half of this movie, so I will just comment on the parts I saw. The film is about the global oil industry, but in particular, ExxonMobil Corporation. The basic message: ExxonMobil is even more money-grubbing and ethically challenged than you ever knew, even for an oil company. Other oil companies are not exactly doing good for the world, but at least many of them are putting some effort into alternative energy sources and not actively attempting to screw over the environmental movement. But ExxonMobil has spent millions funding disinformation campaigns (in the form of junk science groups) claiming that global warming doesn't actually exist. In many cases these groups were funded solely by ExxonMobil and had no other purpose other than to discredit the idea that global warming was a threat. They then made sure their handful of paid PR flunkies were given "equal time" in the media whenever global warming was discussed. And not surprisingly, when these professional debaters went up against actual scientists, it didn't matter that they had no facts on their side, since tv news media these days is all about who yells louder and claims they are right, facts be damned. They showed clips of a few of these appearances and it was pretty sickening to watch the "good guy" unable to force a word in edgewise, getting beat to a pulp by some bully spouting ridiculous falsehoods at a mile a minute. Hooray for "news"! But the biggest audience chuckle of the film came from an ExxonMobil sponsored anti-global warming television ad, in which a young minority mother expresses confusion about why she should conserve energy and exclaims: "they say we should conserve energy, but I like my air conditioning!" and "they say we shouldn't drive SUVs, but big cars are safer!" The basic tagline being that Global Warming is just too darn confusing to even think about, so let's not worry about it and just Consume, Consume, Consume! This was something I would expect to see on the Simpsons as a satire, but it was actually produced by ExxonMobil through one of its fully-funded junk science lobbying groups. Anyway, now that people are actually starting to pick up on the fact that maybe global warming is maybe happening after all, the ExxonMobil strategy has changed from outright denial to "hey, is this really such a bad thing? Besides, it's probably too late to stop it now."

Anyway, much of this movie was stuff I knew already (either from An Inconvenient Truth or elsewhere) but it was disturbing to see how large a role ExxonMobil plays in the big picture. And of course it is all paying off for them in the form of ridiculously huge profits. The director in the Q&A period after the movie urged a boycott against ExxonMobil (arguing that the only way to hurt a company that pays attention to nothing but the bottom line, is to hit them in the bottom line) and I am inclined to agree. It's not like the other oil companies are saints, but they are the lesser of (a few) evils. If ExxonMobil takes a hit (even a small one) it will make the oil industry as a whole take notice, and just maybe, try to be less greedy bastards.

more reviews to come...

How to tell if you are a geek

2007-01-30T23:28:26Z

The answer is, if you find the following IRC exchange to be highly amusing:

[14:29] <El_Pompo> what would be the best language to build a crawler in?
[14:29] <Emetri> jawa.

Random Amusement

2006-12-20T23:43:08Z

I noticed this while browsing videos the other day at Fry's:

Is it me, or does the poster/cover for this movie:

Look a hell of a lot like this "classic" from the 80's:

I'm sorry, but those breasts hold more than 3oz of liquid and aren't in a clear ziploc bag.

2006-11-15T00:03:31Z

http://www.boston.com/news/local/vermont/articles/2006/11/14/woman_says_she_was_kicked_off_plane_for_breast_feeding_baby/

omg breasteses! So offensive!

(and yeah, I know it wasn't for security reasons but I thought it made for an amusing headline.)

How to defeat the Republicans, bring peace to the world, and get more hugs

2006-10-17T06:34:55Z

I had a thought while replying to Dave's latest blog entry.

I've finally figured out how to defeat the Republicans once and for all.

We need to give them all a big hug. Awwwww!

Seriously, I'll explain.

You see, the staunch Republicans tend to be all about that whole "us vs. them" thing. They're the good guys in the white cowboy hats, the other folks are the evildoers with the black... errr... turbans, and so on. It's pure old testament. Everything is a war: culture war, war on terror, war on drugs, war on deer with nice antlers, etc.

And once you're no longer talking about a simple election and are instead talking about a "culture war to save the soul of America" or some such, any slightly questionable tactics you want to use are easily justified. Blow up an abortion center or two, sure thing. Torturing a few Arabs is fine if it gets results. Phone-tap a few of those commie sympathizers. How about a little minor election rigging in Ohio or Florida? All's fair in "war"! If you want to know how the people who commit these actions can live with themselves it's because they honestly believe they are holy crusaders fighting to save the country, or the children, or some such ridiculousness. Anyone who contradicts their self-deception... well, those people must be the enemy! And besides, they expect that the "enemy" probably wishes they could use the same tactics or worse if they were good enough "warriors". Hey, if you demonize the enemy enough and attribute worse actions to them, it's a cinch to justify any atrocities you want!

Of course, if you shine the spotlight on these "wars" and reveal them for the overblown hysteria they are, all the justifications fall apart and you are left with a bunch of sickening actions with no good reason behind them. There is no "culture war". Liberals are not conspiring to undermine Christianity, terrorists are not plotting to bomb Deluth, and an illegal immigrant pedophile drug dealer is not hovering outside your kid's school. All this fiction is supported thanks to overactive imaginations, and possibly human nature/evolution (us vs. them mentality is very useful in *actual* war). But we also owe a great debt of thanks to the tv news media, who does their part by generally overblowing any threat that comes along, which nicely boosts their ratings in the process.

Meanwhile, what the Republican strategists realize is: a divided country that is at each other's throats helps Republicans a lot more than the Democrats. A fearful, hateful country is a country that votes Republican. Oh sure, occasionally there's some issue that bolsters the left (and there have been a few lately), but many only serve to sew apathy and disgust. For the most part, a divided and fearful populace will flock to a leader that shows strength, talks in absolutes, and uses small words and short sentences, with occasional punctuating thumps on a bible. In our country that tends to mean Republicans.

If, on the other hand, we drop all this "war" bullshit, then all the slimy underhanded tactics start to be exposed for what they are: slimy underhanded tactics, nothing more. And those that engage in them (on either side of the aisle) will be universally reviled, rather than being defended and supported by whoever happens to agree with whatever "war" they claimed to be fighting at the time.

With that said, I think the best thing for all of us Democrats to do is take a deep breath, turn off our televisions, let go of all the hatred and paranoia, and relax. Now, go out and hug yourself a Republican! Don't worry, they bathe frequently, have polite manners, dress well, and probably smell nice. Let them know that you have no problem with them practising their religion, and it would probably even be ok if they put a creche in the town square if they ask nicely. Get to know them as a person, rather than feeding your own fears and paranoia through liberal blogs. Prove to them (and to yourself) that we are all just human beings, not combatants. We gotta take it one hug a time here, people.

Whenever I see on television a show like 30 Days (or even recently on The Amazing Race) where people manage to span their differences and grow friendships despite supposedly being on opposite sides in the "culture war", it just makes me super happy inside. Because really most of life does not come down to us vs. them, and most problems cannot be solved by declaring war on them. What life does come down to is human relationships.

So let's declare a truce in all the ficticious wars, and focus on living together and solving the problems that face our country today, possibly using some level of intelligence. After all, a population that lives in harmony, a population that votes intelligently rather than by primal fear, a population that is not at "war" with anyone or anything, that doesn't feel particularly "threatened" by gays or terrorists or druggies - well let's face it, that's probably a population that votes for Democrats. But more importantly, that's a population that is better equipped to solve the problems of the future.

And yeah, I know it will never work, and I'm showing my true colors as the huge hippie I am. So sue me.

Hogwarts and the Draconian Prophecy

2006-09-18T23:26:33Z

On September 9th I assisted in Team Snout's latest game, Hogwarts and the Draconian Prophecy. The game took place over the weekend of Sept 9-10, mostly in Sacramento. If you're unfamiliar with the bay area treasure hunt game tradition, wikipedia has an excellent background.

For this game, I took on the role of Hagrid (I have an excellent costume that I created originally for one of Britta's Harry Potter parties). My job was to teach three classes of Care of Magical Creatures. Really, the "class" was just an excuse to give teams their next clue, which when solved would tell them where to go next.

The game started off with a sorting ceremony where the teams were sorted into their four houses. The teams were also divided into third, fourth, and fifth year classes (depending on team experience level). Then the students embarked aboard the Hogwarts Express, which in this case was an Amtrak train leaving from Emeryville, which arrived in Sacramento around 11:30am. The teams had to solve their first clues on the train ride, which told them which class to go to first, and its location. There were three classes: Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, and Defense Against The Dark Arts (which mainly served to introduce students to their "wands", a very cool electronic device created by the wizards of Team Snout which could be used to spell out words).

Each team received a textbook at the beginning of their first class, which was a 191-page paperback-bound book written completely by the game designers. It included sections on potions, wand casting, and magical creatures, as well as other useful reference material for clues throughout the game.

The Care of Magical Creatures clue was pretty straightforward, although time consuming. The handbook contained a list of 26 creatures with descriptions, one for each letter of the alphabet (Acromantula, Basilisk, etc). The clue was an audio clue, consisting of sounds that the creatures might make. So for a Basilisk for example (described as a snakelike creature with the crested feathers of a chicken on its head), the sound was a cross between snake's hissing and a rooster crowing. By listening to the sounds in sequence, and matching them up with their corresponding creature, the teams could get letters which spelled out their next destination.

I started each class with a few warm-up questions about the magical creatures in the book. My favorite question was, "name three magical creatures that would make a good pet for a wizard", for which I would accept any answer and then respond, "Correct! Of course, in my opinion they ALL make great pets!" For correct answers (and any other helpful behavior) I had a pouch of House Points tokens to hand out as I saw fit. Since I was the "nice" teacher (the other two teachers were a bit stricter/grumpier), I got to dole out the tokens left and right. Basically, if a team did or said something I liked (or Hagrid would have liked), they usually got some points. Teachers were of course also allowed to take points from students for misbehaving or causing trouble, but I almost never did that.

A few of the more memorable moments of the classes:

I was freely giving out house points to any team who showed an appreciation for Magical Creatures. So if your team was carrying around a stuffed fish as a mascot (as one team was), that was worth a few house points. One team all had T-shirts with Trogdor The Burninator on them, so I came over and announced I was giving them bonus house points since their shirts had a picture of a dragon on them. Little did I know that the team at the next table over had overheard this exchange. Around five minutes later, I was called over to their table, where one of the team members pointed proudly to his chest. The team had sketched, using a red sharpie or fabric pen, the outline of a dragon on his previously-blank white T-shirt. So of course I had to give them some points for that!
By coincidence, it turned out that there was a dog-training class that met that day in the same courtyard we were using as our "classroom". It was a class for guide-dogs-in-training, and before long were around a dozen young adolescent puppies and their caretakers. As it turned out, this worked out well for both classes however. The dog trainers were happy to give the dogs some extra training in ignoring loud noises (screeching harpies and basilisks that were echoing throughout the courtyard) and interacting with scary figures (Hagrid, with huge beard and covered in layers of fur, is definitely an imposing figure and good training for the dogs to not freak out and bark). So I got to pet a bunch of cute puppies. Of course, I told all the students that these were magical creatures that were highly intelligent and potentially dangerous, and they should only approached if they dared.
An old friend of mine who I did summer stock theater with literally 13 years ago actually RECOGNIZED me underneath all the Hagrid beard and fur and said hello. I was so shocked by this that I completely forgot to give him some house points. I guess he must have recognized my voice (which is fairly recognizable, even when putting on a fake Scottish accent).
When flipping through the "textbook", many students noticed that the back of the book had an "autographs" section which was designed to be signed like a yearbook. As a result, many students came up and asked me for my autograph, which of course tickled me to death. The first student to do this per class got some house points (and many of the others got some too if they were particularly clever in how they asked). In particular, one student told me at the end of the last class that I had been his favorite teacher, and actually GAVE ME AN APPLE. That pretty much made my week right there.

In all, it was an excellent way to spend a Saturday. I was a bit sorry I didn't stay longer to help out with the rest of the game, since I had a great time chatting with various very folks at Game Control after the classes finished. Including, as it turned out, a guy I used to sing with in Stanford Chamber Chorale with back in the day (he was playing the role of the Potions teacher). It started with a, "you look familiar, do I know you?" moment, and then after much reconstruction of hazy memories we realized that not only had we sung in the group together at the same time, but we'd performed in a Broadway revue type show together, where we'd sung the same song in a scene together (I'd played his elderly father), and he had actually sat on my lap! So it's always amusing to bump into someone who looks familiar and then eventually realize... "Hey, you sat on my lap onstage!".

But anyway, there were a ton of volunteers helping out at that point, and things were so well-organized that they really didn't need my help. And in a way, I sort of like getting my fix of The Game in smaller doses of a few hours at a time (mostly by attending playtesting parties where I just test the clues in a relatively low-stress environment). The one-day games I've done in the past have been pretty exhausting, so the idea of going for more than 24 hours straight is a bit intimidating. I might be convinced into it some day with the right team though, who knows.

Amazonian Fun Times

2006-01-21T01:41:36Z

I thought I would share some of Amazon's current personal recommendations for me:

OXO Good Grips 28581 12-Inch Stainless-Steel Locking Tongs
"Recommended because you rated Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (Widescreen Edition)"

Hmm... Well, I don't remember kitchen utensils playing a major role in that film, but it was a pretty out-there movie, so maybe I just missed it.

But then there's:

Levi's® 501® Button Fly Jeans
"Recommended because you rated House of Flying Daggers"

This, on the other hand seems highly dubious. I mean, I'm fairly certain that nobody in that movie wore Levi's.

On the other hand, this one almost makes sense:

Leatherman 830039 New Wave with Leather Sheath
"Recommended because you rated Batman Begins (2-Disc Edition)"

Because hey, a Leatherman isn't that far from a Utility Belt.

So bravo, Amazon!

mosquitos

2005-09-07T22:13:01Z

While on the subject of critters, I wanted to bring up the foul mosquito as a contrast to the humble earthworm. You might ask why I am suddenly exploring the world of tiny invertebrates. An excellent question! To which I would respond: I have no idea.

Actually, the thing that facinates me about mosquitos can be illustrated with this little true story:

A couple years ago I spent several days at Dave's cabin on Fallen Leaf Lake, near Tahoe. It was a great trip and a beautiful location overall. The last night I was there I was assigned to sleep in one of the upstairs rooms. However, when I finally was ready to go to sleep, I discovered that the light had been left on in that room, and one of the windows had been open. As a result, the room had become a veritable menagerie of nocturnal insects. It was like a grand party where anything with six or eight legs was invited. After doing my best to shoo as many of them out of the room as I could and closing the window, I lay down and found that it was nearly almost possible to fall asleep, assuming that I pulled the covers all the way up to my face, and ignored the occasional brushing of insect wings against my hair and face.

Except for the mosquito.

There was a single mosquito in that room. I could hear it, going "eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE" around the room. I don't know if I have a particularly trained ear after growing up in a swamp (literally) in New Jersey, but it sounded approximately as loud as an F-15 fighter jet. I could tell where in the room it was at all times, as well as which direction it was moving, and every time it came near, every nerve in my body stood on edge.

Finally, I could take it no longer. I would not sleep until that mosquito became a splotch of red goo on the rough hardwood rafters. Luckily, I am well trained in the art of mosquito hunting, having had much experience from early childhood. After stalking my prey around the room for a few minutes, I eventually slew the evil beast with a rolled-up glossy catalog. Exhausted and basking in the triumphant glow of my victory, I collapsed into bed, pulled the sheets up to my nose, and slept like a baby the rest of the night.

But the interesting thing that occurred to me about this whole episode was: of all the variety of insects in that room, the single mosquito was the only one whose incessant high pitched humming drove me to be unable to sleep. Also, it could be pointed out, that single mosquito was the only insect in that room that actively wanted to do harm to me by sucking my blood (assuming that it was female), and possibly giving me some nasty disease. I find it hard to believe that this is a coincidence.

Considering how many millions of human beings have died from mosquito-borne illnesses (arguably, mosquitos have caused more human deaths than any other animal), it seems highly likely to me that having an acute awareness of mosquito humming, and a high level of annoyance caused by same, is an evolved trait in humans. Humans that couldn't stand the sound of mosquitos were possibly more likely to find ways to avoid them, keep them away, or kill them on sight. Possibly the itchy reaction to mosquito bites is another evolved reaction, since it provides another big incentive for us not to be bitten by mosquitos. Those humans that didn't swell up and itch from mosquito bites, or weren't kept awake by their humming, and hence weren't as vigilant at fighting off the little buggers, probably all died of malaria.

Ain't evolution neat?

the joy of worms

2005-09-07T21:28:36Z

After watching an episode of Dirty Jobs last night, I got to thinking about the humble earthworm.

They really are amazing creatures. They eat our waste and toxic byproducts and convert them into rich, fertile topsoil. They are unaffected by any known disease. They go about their business beneath our feet, day in and day out. They never bother anyone, or cause harm to any living creature. When we die, they even consume our bodies so that we can continue to enrich the Earth. I can't really think of any other organism that has such a purely beneficial effect on the world. Heck, they even help us catch fish.

I don't think it's at all stretch to conclude that perhaps God is an earthworm.

If so, I would like to be the first to recognize Him in all his Wormly Goodness.

And even if they aren't divine, here's a shout out to earthworms everywhere. You guys rock!

common names and gmail

2005-08-26T21:03:24Z

I signed up for a gmail account pretty early on, and was able to get the account name njohnson. However, I didn't really like gmail as much as Yahoo mail, so I never used my gmail account at all.

On the other hand, it has provided me with a fair amount of entertainment over the past eighteen months or so. Every few months I will log into the account and see what has shown up in my inbox.

I get 1-2 mistaken identity emails a month. These aren't spam - they are all from someone accidentally entering my email into an online form, or misremembered their friend's email (or guessing wrong) when sending them a message. In at least two cases, they got their OWN email wrong. Note that I have never actually sent email from this account, except to inform people that they have reached the wrong njohnson.

Here's a sampling of some of the emails I've gotten:

A series of emails from a Hawaiian real estate company telling me about new properties for sale.
A perl script (uninstall-devtools.pl) with the body of the email simply: "Here you go..."
A resume and cover letter from Nathan Johnson (Manhattan, KS) who was trying to send it to himself but forgot the middle initial in his name.
An apology from the same Nathan Johnson, who said to please disregard the previous email, but added "P.S. However, if you want to hire me, let me know :)"
An email from a different Nathan Johnson, this time including a copy of his Masters Thesis (5MB attachment).
An apology from Nathan Johnson number two for sending me his Masters Thesis. I assured him that he wasn't the first Nathan Johnson to do this, so he shouldn't feel bad.
An email addressed to a Neil Johnson, asking how the heck he was and talking about sailboat racing.
Forwarded class notes from some sort of law school class on "Wood v Boynton" etc.
A series of emails for an escort service in LA, addressed to Norman Johnson. Naughty Boy, Norman!
An email from Melissa Nichols: "Rootie tootie......GOTCHA". Yes, that was the entire email.
A farewell email to Nicole Johnson thanking her for her work at the company, and saying that she made a "big difference" there.
Another email from someone named a-r-m: "I'm on vacation now and there is no turning back. Don't forget to work for me! See you in 3 weeks!"
An email addressed to "Minnesota Boychoir Alum" asking me for my opinion of the recent AlumSing III event.
An email to Nick Johnson telling him that he is scheduled for an interview on July 13th, with full detailed instructions on how to prepare and an attached Word document with directions to the site. I hope he made it.
An email: "Thank you for visiting National Alert Registry and performing a search for registered sex offenders in your area."
A series of emails from Incredible Pizza in Warr Acres, OK.
1318 spam messages. Impressive considering I've sent a total of maybe 8-10 emails from this account and have never given it out to anyone.

Lessons Learned:

If you want to avoid spam and misdirected emails, pick an email address that is as obscure as possible.
On the other hand, misdirected emails make for some quality amusement at times.
Apparently there are some kinda dumb guys named Nathan Johnson out there.

a geek nightmare

2005-08-17T18:36:00Z

Geeky dream I had last night: I was playing some cool new little addictive puzzle game that I had found. I had just gotten past the second or third level and was really enjoying it, when suddenly, THE GAME TOOK OVER MY COMPUTER and started deleting all my files! Then I remembered to my horror that I hadn't actually downloaded this game, it had just arrived in an unsolicited email as an attachment, and I had just clicked on it and started playing. OMG how dumb could I be to click on an attachment from a spam mail?? I've ruined my computer!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Then I woke up.

And now, in the random inheritance department...

2005-08-04T22:46:05Z

I discovered today that I have apparently inherited some property in Forkston, PA, Population 386.

The inheritance comes by way of my great-grandmother on my mom's side, whom my mother always referred to as Granny Fanny. She died before I was born, more than 35 years ago. Somehow, this particular property was never actually dealt with until now, so now it is being divided up among her living descendants. My sister and I are both direct heirs of my grandmother, since my mother died before my grandmother did. So we each get some portion of the land, and my uncle gets some other slightly larger portion as well, as well as who-knows-how-many other second cousins.

I don't know how much land it is, but I'm fairly certain that once it is all divided up it won't end up being worth much. But it was still amusing to learn that I own some land 3000 miles away. I wonder if this means I can vote in Pennsylvania. Just think, I could be a swing state voter! I just hope that they won't try to hit me up for 35 years of back property taxes.

Bush in 30 years

2005-04-14T18:43:20Z

Moveon.org has rallied its members to create flash animations/movies about Social Security.

Here are the top 10 finalists:

http://www.bushin30years.org/finalists.html

I'd say Quiz Time is definitely my favorite, purely for the humor value. Be sure to check out all the president's responses (especially on the last couple of questions).

Some of the other animations are very effective in their own way, but I've always been a big believer in using humor to get a political point across. If something is funny, I am probably more likely to forward it to my friends than if it is just informative.

Good Custom Comics Page

2005-04-12T01:12:31Z

Semi-related to my previous entry, the Houston Chronicle provides an excellent custom comics page web service. It doesn't have every comic out there, but there's a pretty good selection:

http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/comics/archive/byocp.mpl

After you've chosen the comics you want, hit "Build It" and then change the "cpp=4" in the URL to "cpp=40", and you will get all your strips on one page. Then, bookmark that link. Voila! Instant daily comics page of comics that don't suck. Only bummer is that you can't go back and read previous comics for these strips (you'll have to track down the websites for the individual comics if you want to do that).

When it comes to webcomics, my favorite is probably PvPOnline. It has a good mix of gamer humor, office humor, and relationship humor. I find PvP consistently funnier than most syndicated comics, but I am also smack dab in the middle of its target audience, so I get every in-joke.

Marmot?

2005-04-04T19:33:37Z

Had an amusing IM conversation today.

Michaela: Get Fuzzy has a really evil joke today.
Michaela: http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20050404.html

Me: ha (after thinking about it for a long time trying in vain to figure out why it's so evil)

Michaela: Now a bunch of newspapers should drop the strip.

Me: I think I didn't get the joke.
Me: What's so evil about it?

Michaela: Valentine's day what?

Me: Marmot?
Me: I don't get it.

Michaela: Waaaaaaaait
Michaela: OMG CENSORSHIP WTF

So... it turns out there were two versions of Get Fuzzy today. The one Michaela saw in the Houston Chronicle looked like this instead.

She just forwarded the website version to me, thinking it was the same without actually reading it.

So, if you saw Get Fuzzy today in the Merc or other papers that chose to run the "censored" version, and thought it didn't make much sense, now you know why.

As a semi-amusing side note, Get Fuzzy, FoxTrot, and Pearls Before Swine did an April Fools gag this year where they all stole the same joke from each other.

It's only the end if we let it be.

2004-11-03T23:07:52Z

I've read a lot of depressing stuff yesterday and today. This is one thing I read which actually made me realize that we must carry on. From Meteor Blades on Daily Kos:

Not a few people have spoken in the past few hours about an Americanist authoritarianism emerging out of the country’s current leadership. I think that’s not far-fetched. Fighting this requires that we stick together, not bashing each other, not fleeing or hiding or yielding to the temptation of behaving as if “what’s the use?”

It’s tough on the psyche to be beaten.Throughout our country’s history, abolitionists, suffragists, union organizers, anti-racists, antiwarriors, civil libertarians, feminists and gay rights activists have challenged the majority of Americans to take off their blinders. Each succeeded one way or another, but not overnight, and certainly not without serious setbacks.

After a decent interval of licking our wounds and pondering what might have been and where we went wrong, we need to spit out our despair and return – united - to battling those who have for the moment outmaneuvered us. Otherwise, we might just as well lie down in the street and let them flatten us with their schemes.

If people just gave up hope whenever they lost a battle, there would not be very many good stories, books, or movies in the world.

birthday fun times

2004-10-23T02:28:17Z

I am 33 today. The age of Christ. Crap, I have less than a year left to outdo that guy. Better get on that.

Today I was taken out to lunch thanks to my brother-in-law and the CEO of my company (thanks guys).

Then later I got free coffee (again thanks to our CEO) and a free slice of chocolate mousse cake (thanks to the kind lady who runs Printer's Inc).

But the real highlight of my birthday will be in around 2 hours at the San Jose Airport when Michaela gets home from her second business trip in as many weeks. Luckily this should be the last flying-around-the-country that she has to do for a while (well, besides me taking her off to vegas next month). So yeah the past week has been pretty boring, but there are far worse things than boredom I suppose. I'm sure it sucked a lot more for her, given that she had nobody to scratch/rub her back all week, *and* no cat to pet, whereas at least I still got to cuddle with her cat all week. Or rather, I got to alternately cuddle with and defend myself from said cat, who does a good job of being very cute while simultaneously trying to put holes in my skin where they don't necessarily belong. Nice kitty. Awwwwwww. YEOW!!

If I was really smart I would have used the last week to catch up on my sleep, but as it turns out I was up until 3am last night reading this cute neo-feminist gamer-chick online comic. That's what I get for reading my friend's friend's livejournal entries.

And yes, I made a birthday wish, but I won't know whether it will come true until Nov 2nd.

Jon Stewart rules

2004-10-18T08:19:18Z

If you are a fan of The Daily Show, you should check out this clip of Jon Stewart's recent appearance on Crossfire. It is quite excellent.

Not only is the Daily Show my favorite TV show, but it's one of the few shows that I trust to give me the truth about what's actually going on in the world. That's right - a "fake news" comedy show is the TV news source I trust most. How sad a statement is that about the state of TV news.

Here's a tip, TV news programs. If the emperor is has no clothes, how about doing some research and reporting, "the emperor has no clothes", instead of bringing in one talking head to say, "hmm, the emperor might not be wearing clothes," and a second talking head to retort, "How dare you accuse the emperor of being unclothed during this time of war! These pictures of the emperor with no clothes on are forged I tell you!"

Heck, Jon Stewart doesn't just say that the emperor has no clothes, he shows us a photo of the naked emperor, and does a Lynndie at his exposed genitals. That's a refreshing change from most TV news shows, and we love him for it. Because many of us think that those who attempt to blatantly bullshit the American people don't deserve to be heard out. They deserve to be publicly exposed and humiliated. And The Daily Show is one of the few shows willing to step up to the task.

"Give us money or Bush will be reelected"

2004-10-15T23:54:35Z

I did something this year for the first time in my life - I donated money to the Democratic party. I also donated money to Moveon.org. Neither donation was a huge one, but they were a decent chunk of change for me. The bottom line was that I figured I wouldn't be able to live with myself if somehow Bush got reelected and I hadn't done something concrete to prevent it from happening. And it does help me sleep better knowing that my donation might make a small difference.

I in no way regret donating money, but at the same time, I am now literally getting 2 emails a day asking for more money. Seems every few days there is another "urgent fundraising deadline". Apparently the threat of a Bush reelection has been a huge rallying cry for Democratic fundraisers. Plus, I think I'm on more than one mailing list, because sometimes I get nearly the same message twice, sometimes within an hour of each other. In any case, I am hoping this will settle down after the election, assuming there is no repeat of the 2000 election debacle. Which becomes a more difficult assumption to make every day, of course.